A tale of two burgers...

This is a story from a few weeks ago.. It's not exciting, but I have wrote in a while. It is the story of two experiences of burger ordering.

Burger 1.

I went to a local pub for some food and a drink. Order my drink. It was a coke. I was being healthy. So I ordered a burger. A nice lamb burger with cheese. I asked if cheese on a lamb burger was a good idea. I wasn't too sure. The lady looked at me in a 'Do I give a f*ck way'. I got cheese.

Anyway, burger came, I was excited. Took the lid of the ciabatta (stale bread actually), to discover no meat. However, I didn't immediately say.. Oi there is no meat in this burger. Instead, being the typical brit decided it must be my fault, I'm not looking hard enough. I couldn't complain, only to find a very small bit of meat somewhere and have everyone embarrassed. That would be insane. So I started digging through the salad on on the bread, trying to see if the burger was hidden under a piece of tomato or something... This obviously caught the attention of the staff. Who confirmed there wasn't a mini burger hidden under some lettuce and said it must have been missed. Phew...

This however also caught the attention of the locals sat at the bar. They loved the fact that the chef had made this terrible mistake. And talked about it throughout the rest of the evening. Telling each person who came in, telling them that I had been served a salad sandwich and how crazy it was. Each time asking me if I liked salad sandwiches. This lasted hours!! The exciting nights you can have sat at a bar.

The burger did eventually come avec meat... I daren't tell them the cheese was missing.

The other story is of a burger from the Gourmet Burger Kithen.

A few things of note here. One brought up by my friend. My friend Larry is one of those strange vegi types. So he wanted a vegi burger. There is a very limited vegi burger option on the menu. About 4 burgers. But he said. Why can't there be exactly the same as the meat burger menu, replacing the meat with a vegi burger. Very good question. One I fear will never be answered.

The other thing to note is that GBK is essentially a very expensive Wimpy. You have to go up to the counter and order, just like Wimpy, and you get knife and fork. Just like Wimpy. You also get them in most major resteraunts unless you go to Bradford or something. The one major difference is you don't get fries. You have to buy them seperate. This is quite annoying. Burgers should come with chips in a resteraunt. It should be the law. So instead you end up paying a tenner for a burger and £4 for fries. Insanity. Burger came though, complete with meat. It was good.

The only way this evening could have been bettered was to meat (geddit) someone from Sum41 in a pub... And I did. Insane.

I spy...

On Friday I went out with a few friends.. the destination.. the 80's.. in a pub. But first we went to a guys house to have a few beers...

First off though.. we went to more reasons to get some drink. At 28 I still find myself looking for the cheapest vodka..the kind of stuff you wouldn't give to a 15 year old in the streets begging for a 'drink please mister' in fear of it burning through their stomach.

Anyway. Drink bought. Went for a mid range brand. Gotta be careful at my age. We went over to the guys flat to have a few pre going out drinks. Got to the flat. Very nice. 6th floor. Looks out over surprise surprise, more flats. But it is nice. Quite how cool I didn't figure out until a bit later on.

The thing to do these days whilst round at people houses/flats is to play guitar hero. Especially if you are getting on a bit and secretly think you're a rock star. This story is going somewhere by the way. No where great. Just somewhere.

So there we are playing. 2 on guitar and one on drums. 2 drinks later everyone is fighting over the mic to sing. No one wanted to do Michael Jackson. So, we're in the middle of this song, when the beauty of living in a flat opposite other flats hits me. Whilst rocking, looking pretty cool I reckon, I notice, from the corner of my eye, a light go on. Followed by a lady getting ready for a shower I imagine. I magined other things too. The guy who owned the place obviously aware of the perks of this, quickly pulled out his binoculars to get a closer look! You obviously run the risk of being caught with these as, the lights are on full, so it's jsut as easy to see us as it is us seeing them. We were all in rock stances which quickly turned to clambering over one another looking out of the window. So the only obvious thing to do is ditch the lights and sit like giggling girls trying to sneak a peak.

The thing is.. on closer inspection, I was wrong. It was a man. The mic was put away and we all fought for the drums in an effort to be a man. I don't think we will speak of the event again.

Question time

A few things that have been running around my mind for a while...

Why do fat people buy large big mac meals but get a diet coke?

Why do fat people buy small cars?

Why do we keep cleaning stuffs under the sink? Everyone know that's where we put it.. but why?

Why do we grow older and start claiming on a pension when we are less able to use the money coz we are on the way out. I think I would prefer the money up front, enjoy it, and then work 'til the end...

Why does Larry go to a strip bar, pay £120 on a dance and then throw up on them? :-)

Why does Larry then mail the place and ask for his money back minus cost of cleaning the sick up? This is genius by the way.

The answer must be, that we are all idiots. But what a great set of idiots we are.

Usual service will continue in the next post.